It’s clear you’re frustrated, and we’re eager to assist you, but we’ll need a little more information to take action on this post.
Diagnostics indicate that you have two RoonServer instances in your setup. Which is the machine you’re referring to here, and what is the operating system involved?
It sounds like you’re referring to a Windows machine based on the nomenclature in your description. If that’s the case, I’d verify that you’ve added RoonServer.exe and Roon.exe to the Windows Defender firewall if you’re having issues with startup.
If this is a Windows computer, are you attempting to use that as your RoonServer machine, or do you have a separate RoonServer machine on the network to which you’re attempting to connect?