Low E on a standard pop/rock four string electric bass is 41hz. Low B on a five string is 31hz. Plan accordingly.
It goes both ways thoā¦she has to allow you your things too. Mine is great like that, but she enjoys the music side too - but she is more the video buff, so I cater to her needs like Plasma screen not LED/OLED and a Projector that is more film like fore her preferences.
headphones are great but if your hearing is going (you say your in your 70ās) then IEMS are probably not the best option in that you might need or have already hearing aids. Mine is not the best at not even 60 - tho not needing aids yetā¦my issue is over the ears (OTE) make my head and ears hot and makes it sweaty to wear themā¦so for now IEMās work best but OTE can sound so much more open and engaging.
there are lots of good cheapish headphones around now. linsoul.com carry quite a few. drop.com also have good deals too.
A good headphone AMP might be fine if you connect it to the Oppo outputs. The 205 has very good specs for audio.
If speakers are important to you, she should not be fighting you so hard. Well, my wife loves me and gave me a whole room for my 2 channel setup. She wants me to be happyā¦
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I am very luckyā¦aside from many speakers I have in all rooms of the house (yes even something in the bathroom) I have my own DIY speakers too.
I also had a listening room with lots of gear in it ā¦ but now its an office as she works from home and needed a more dedicated space (I do to but donāt need an office) so now she wants to move to a bigger place where we can both have our own office/workshop/mancave areas - I dread moving so am happy to downsize some thingsā¦but its hard going. Neither of us are minimalist so we have a lot of things in a small space.
I AM a minimalist.
I was in a similar situation and as mentioned I took SWMBO along to see and listen to these https://www.whathifi.com/dali/fazon-f5/review as these were the only speakers she did not dismiss straight away they are pretty aesthetically and sound pretty good into the bargain
Dali is always a good choice.
I have a discreet 5.1 set in the living room.
- Fronts: Dali Rubicon LCR
- Center: Dali Fazon LCR
- Rears: Dali Fazon SAT
- Sub: SVS SB-4000
- AV: NAD T777v3 with Dirac Live
Great SQ. 
Or something discreet like the Neat Iota Xplorer
Show her pictures of big bruiser speakers then stand back . After a while show her some nice bookshelves
Seriously I have Sennheiser HD800 for serious stuff and a Samsung HW950 Soundbar for WAF. It doesnāt sound half bad . There are some good soundbar out there . Especially the high end Samsungās since the bought out Harmon Kardon
I listen 100% headphones for hi fi the rest is background
I auditioned the Dali Rubicon LCRs as theoretically they were the perfect solution, being designed for wall mounting, but sadly I found them very harsh compared to the Special Forties. Well worth a listen though as it does depend on taste.
I also tried two different Neats, very nice butā¦ for me not so good as my final choice.
I think Iām good with the Bose for daily listening and headphones at night. Thanks for all the suggestions.
Your sense of humor could get some one hurt 
If I even brought a brochure I would be sleeping with the dog, fortunately we donāt have one so I would have the kennel to myself ā¦
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When I am in the doghouse my wife doesnāt talk to me for days. My daughter would would ask if I was enjoying my quiet timeā¦
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Exactly how I view itā¦
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Women must always get the last word in an argument ā¦when men try to have the last word itās viewed by the woman as a start of a new argument ā¦hahahaha
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The last time the silent treatment was on stream she went on holiday the next day which somewhat diminished the impact 
We have been together for 35 years and she hasnāt been upset with me enough timesā¦
Go with Beolab 20. Great sound in compact design.
Optionally connect them (wireless) to Beosound Core (Airplay and Google Cast built-in).
However, if you were to choose bookshelves for aesthetic reasons, the addition of a sub-woofer would be virtually essential. Fortunately the sub-woofer can be tacked out of he way as directionality is less important.
Boenicke W5 or W8s are very small with high WAF and possess massive room filling abilities, not cheap as made in Switzerland
[Moderated] I donāt have all the money in the world by far. I am retired and my wife still works, but we have trade offs. Three years ago we bought a farm and we have been for the last three years renovating a 1880ās farm house. That in itself is a huge undertaking considering that I am also starting a new business, and it has caused a lot of heartaches but what we do is we have trade offs and I know what side her bread gets buttered on. I have a room that is 23 by 15. Itās our family room but itās also my room. Itās not my man cave because I want us all to be in it when family visits but I get to ādecorateā that room and put in it what I believe would be great for entertaining the family. Are you catching my drift? Now my wife, not only is she a teacher but she is also an artist and was a commercial model so her sense of esthetics is pretty high. Our house has a family room, dining room, living room, three bedrooms, a master bedroom and bathroom with a very large closet (KEY, itās room size and itās literally 90% herd, tradeoff) and two other bathrooms. My wife is decorating all those to her taste. Furniture, to her taste, paint, walls, etc. now one of those rooms is also going to become my office/her studio/guest room and my present Sonus surround system along with our flat screen, and my present two channel Kef LS50 Wās, Bluesound Node2i streamer, Rotel CD player, Schiit Valhalla pre-amp and Schiit Bifrost multibit DAC will be going into that room. She gets to decorate the room. Heck, she gave me a beautiful 17th century oak french desk that she got for a song as a birthday present.
So now how am I doing this. She hated the old popcorn ceiling in the family room, I did too, and the walls are knotty pine so She tire the ceiling down and I put in a knotty pine ceiling and I let her know that I was installing wiring in the ceilings to be able to run a projector, new surround system plus a new two channel system. Hiding cables is huge for her! So here is key number two. This project is a one year plus project likely two years and I have a wish list and schedule to slowly buy the things I want and in reality once I am done I will actually have two surround and two 2 channel systems and she gets her house the way she wants it except one room, the majority of a closet, a master bath with a claw foot tub that she uses every evening and loves, a gourmet level kitchen with a 48ā Wolf stove and last year she bought the car if her choice.
Bottom line, trade offs and it can be the little things. So buy her a nice bottle of wine, put on some toons try being a little romantic and give her something that she wants and donāt ask for what you want just do it!!!